The Nightmare Days Begin

At the start year Marie & I were still in lockdown, Marie was anxious to get back to work but was nervous about the potential COVID risks. But we had a lovely Christmas and for the new year we had put together a plan for the coming year, we had a list of things to get done around the house and holidays to arrange, we were in this weird state of bliss were everything was perfect, we were happy and in love and the grief from Aidan passing while not gone it was not overwhelming us on a daily bases. We had a plan for the rest of our lives. We going to get Marie vaccinated because she was on at risk list due to her transplant, then I would get vaccinated and then the work could list could begin. Oh and did I mention being in love I mention it again because its important and because in February we were 11 years married 14 year together. I absolutely romanced the living daylight out if my wife for two week just because i could, there were presents at was fancy dinners and cake afternoon tea was booked for post COVID times and most of all there was love and lots of it I must have kissed Marie 100 times a day just to see what the limits of kissing you wife per day were. Please note there are no limits, my lips got tired be Marie got feed up being kissed.

There was one small issue in our lives, every so often Marie we feel sick after eating and her appetite was off, then we started to this more often and when went to our GP and it looked like Marie had an Infection so we started antibiotics and waited. After the next check up nearly 14 days later Marie kidney function was starting to be impacted and it was decide that it might be sepsis and Marie need to go into hospital for IV antibiotics. Unfortunately the COVID numbers were high and the hospitals were lock down to visitors so I couldn’t visit Marie while she was in hospital. But Marie being the bravest woman I knew just got on with it, we called and video chatted texted multiple times every day and as always Marie made some new friends on teh ward and the doctor did more and more tests and they tried new antibiotics and Marie got a little worst every day.

I was getting angry concerned and pissed off and I could get hold a doctor to get a answer to my questions so after 8 weeks I had reached my limit and demanded that I be let in to see Marie and I would take any precaution necessary to make it happen because at this point the infection had spread to Marie lungs and she need oxygen. These first visits on the renal ward were a nightmare the first two time I went in they took away for a MSR scan just as I got to the ward.

I curse COVID for many reason, but most of all because it kept me from my wife side for 8 long weeks when she needed me and because it slowed down the diagnosis of the non Hodgkin’s lymphoma that was in Marie Bowels causing the issue all along. I cant describe the pain the terror and rage I felt when I found out the diagnosis. As long as I live I will never understand why if this was a risk for kidney patients it was not the first thing the hospital tested for. We had to wait a few days for a pic scan to confirm the diagnosis but within a few day Marie was transferred to St Anne cancer ward and had started chemotherapy. The only good news was I was allowed to visit Marie every day by appointment only, the first time I saw her saw Marie beautiful face after all the weeks apart I cried like a baby and I hugged her for 10 minutes until told me I was squeezing her to tight and I was going to break something she needed.

I call these days nightmare days because when I close my eyes now these days haunt my dreams and my waking hours.

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