After Aidan passing Marie and I were at cross roads in our life together. Marie was will to try IVF again but it was to great a risk with little or no hope of success and with more heartbreak the most likely outcome. We discussed it and I would rather a life time of just me and Marie rather than a very slime chance of a family but at the cost of her life. So we did some grief counseling to try and help us though the worst of the pain and day by day we took care of one another and loved each other as much as we were able to, and over time we felt a little bit more able to deal with the world. One evening Marie was make a list of things she needed to do for the coming week and we just decided to make a list for our future. Item number was continue to love each other as much as possible we have shut down a lot our feeling during the months after Aidan passing and we need to get back being able to show love to one another without feel like we were doing something wrong, Marie need a new job , we really really need a good holiday, we had also become distant from our friends so we need see more of them and finally we wanted to explore adoption and surrogacy as way to have a family.